Invisible Friction
Three months ago, my 81-year-old father asked me, “If I want to listen to a podcast, how would I do that?”
This surprised me. He’s as tech-savvy as some of my contemporaries who listen to podcasts. He’s not afraid of trying something new. I gave a quick, distracted answer, “Press the purple podcast button on your phone, and try a few?”
As weeks passed, I couldn’t shake the podcast moment. If he was stuck, then every octogenarian and septuagenarian was also stuck.
I tried to visualize the challenges he anticipated. Which podcast to choose? If I follow the instructions, will I still run into problems? Do I really need podcasts in my life?
My list of hypotheses grew. I then noticed other people struggle with different yet similar issues. I sensed a shifting, morphing force in front of them: invisible friction.
A Familiar Problem
The podcast moment was intriguing for personal and professional reasons.
Most of my career has focused on product or program adoption. More than 10,000 hours discussing what features to build to drive a desire to buy and adopt. Thousands of hours on intuitive page design and copy to make it easy for the user. Endless hours looking at why users failed to adopt or stopped using. But always for complex, hard-to-adopt products.
So why was my father not taking a few micro-steps?
For the same reasons we all fail to take micro-steps. A friend laments procrastination. Another wishes she wrote more. I am by myself and want something new for dinner. Fifteen minutes later I am eating at a familiar spot.
We want a new movie but choose something already watched.
We want to be in a creative flow state but stare at the canvas.
We want to change our mood but can’t shake the current feeling.
We need to tell someone something but we don’t.
In each case, the root cause is invisible friction.
I called a close friend who is a psychiatrist to get his take. He dove in to share his own challenges with invisible friction. When I asked him what he thought were the root causes, he started laughing, “Oh, man, it’s any combination of things. It literally changes minute by minute!”
In the Middle
We sense invisible friction when we move from binary states:
Here → There
Inaction → Action
Now → Future
Worse → Better
The arrows reflect the invisible friction. They represent the time and space required to transition states. And within those arrows are a multitude of friction-generating forces:
Build Bridges, Tunnels, & Serendipity
We know when we hesitate, drift, and fail to reach the other side. We create processes and systems to push us through the invisible friction:
We write goals and strategies to remind us of purpose and direction.
We create lists to reduce brainstorming and research.
We build habits to make it obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying.
We optimize our productivity tools.
We play songs to trigger a Pavlovian response.
We take deep breaths.
We meditate, take walks, daydream.
We see friends and therapists.
On Sunday, I struggled to finish the first draft of this essay. I took a break to attend the streaming service of a funeral.
People shared stories of how this person was a helper. From his legal practice to house repair issues. If you had a problem, he could solve it or had a guy who could solve it.
I continued to listen. I realized I missed easy opportunities to have a deeper connection with him. Better questions. More thoughtful answers. I reflected on the invisible friction that stood in the way. And the mutual loss.
When the funeral was over, I returned to the essay draft. The words flowed and the friction never returned.
I called my father yesterday to see if he had listened to a podcast. He said no. I will remove his invisible friction by the weekend.
